Monday, July 2, 2012

I gave my best...


I didn't really want to put the feelings of today into words. Because I can't. It feels really inadequate to try and summarize emotions that run so deep and have so many intricate layers to them. But it's not really fair to stay silent. For years and years I've shared my hopes, dreams, and aspirations and so there should be something to say when it all plays out, even if I'm left with a broken heart and a dream I fell inches short of accomplishing. I know that the reality is that when I wake up tomorrow this is going to be the conclusion of the story no matter how much I wish it wasn't. And I should tell it because even if it's not the outcome I wanted, it's the outcome I got. And even though that hurts, even though my heart feels broken into a tiny million pieces, I shouldn't shy away from that or hide in shame because I know I gave it my all.

The reality is I really did give my best. If nothing else I hurt so much because I know for darn sure that I jumped my ass off today. I took a crappy season and I made sure it didn't define in the least bit what kind of athlete showed up today. The girl on the runway today was the person I knew I could be, and the athlete I've been looking for for quite some time. It was the second furthest jump of my life and the farthest I have ever jumped in any major competition. I jumped a distance that would have put me on the Olympic team the last two times around. It just so happens that I was part of one of the best Olympic Trials long jump competitions ever. The ladies in front of me had massive personal bests and all of us in places second thru fifth had the longest jump for that respective placing ever.

I will always and forever be grateful that I showed up today and put my years and years of preparation on the line. I was a competitor and there wasn't one second of the competition where I backed down from that. I will never regret having this goal and giving my all to it, even knowing now that I would ultimately fall short. Even though the pain is real, and it is deep, I know it was the risk I took for laying it all on the line and asking something of myself that is hard as hell to achieve. But being heartbroken doesn't take away from the journey, it's just a part of it I was hoping to not have to experience. I am not the sole author of my story, and I have to trust that it is all part of His purpose. I am responsible for my labor and not the fruits of my labor and so my job was to give my all… to give my very best and let Him use that. And so I did that, and through my tears and my heartache that is my offering of praise and thanks.

Thank you for letting me share this story with you. I wanted more than anything to be an Olympian and to have that be my story, but it's not. My story is that I'm an Olympic hopeful. And that hope fueled a dream, created my desire, transformed it into will, and produced a drive in me that made me who I am today. It just didn't make me an Olympian. But I am still super proud of who it did make me and the work I've put in trying.

41 comments:

Nikkie T said...

You jumped your ass off yesterday Bri! We are so proud of you! Team Glenn!!

Bianca said...

I'm so proud of you. So, so proud of you.

The Misunderstood Genius said...

The knowledge that you really jumped your best, and didn't lose out due to a mistake, or some sort of lack of preparation will hopefully console you in the days ahead.

All we can do is our best, and you did that. So hold your head high...

Marijke said...

I have been reading your blog for a while but have never posted - I guess I'm one of those "lurkers." I thought about you a couple times this week and have been hoping for the best...

I just wanted to let you know that your courage and response to the disappointment is inspiring. I'm not a competitive athlete - but I loved what you said about you being responsible for the labor and not the fruits of your labor. I am encouraged by that, in many areas of my life. And I just wanted to thank you for going after your dreams and being willing to trust God no matter what. I know that trusting in the face of disappointment is not easy. Your words are a good reminder.

Christy said...

We're all so very proud of you, Bri. I swear I just KNEW you were going to make it this year. I really believed for you. I'm sorry it didn't happen, but you were amazing. My husband recorded the trials for me so we could see what happened. I was so bummed when we read where you placed.

I do agree with the guy on Facebook who posted you should write a book. You have more than one talent, you know. :-)

Lots and lots of love to you.

pilight said...

There is always Rio 2016!

ashley goodwin said...

I watched in support and genuinely felt for you when I saw the outcome, but yes, not ONLY did all of you compete fiercely (those were some serious jumps going on!) but Brianna, you have worked incredibly hard for yourself and look where you have gotten! YOUR journey is incredible and one very few people experience!
I am not athlete, that's for sure, and I damn sure wish I had your legs, but your passion and dedication and spirit is incredibly encouraging to this photographer.

xo

Msasa Expo said...

Frankly this post sort of sucks because it feels like a goodbye. Perhaps it is only a reflection of your current feelings after an emotional Sunday afternoon. Tear a page from Dana Torres (Olympic Swim Team at 41 years of age and now 45 years old) memoirs and don't allow age to define how long you will be a threat in competition.

So many athletes returned home as Olympic Hopefuls. This Monday they punch the time clock and resume the life of the common American. That is not the story of Ms. Brianna Glenn who has lived the Olympic Journey. Such a story is far more intriguing and shall be long remembered in your Golden years.

Think about your personality and those sweet mocha almond buns wrapped in gold, I would venture to say that Brazil Olympic Games has your name written all over it. Not certain if you can dance, but start practicing your Samba. Develop new theories to improve your abilities because Sunday revealed that you are capable of being very competitive in the years to come.

Peace be with you sister.

Yuliya M. said...

You're amazing, to go as far as you have is simply unimaginable for me. Way to do your best and to compete because you love it!

Anonymous said...

I’m also just a “lurker” but followed your journey intently over the last year or so. You have so much to be proud of and it’s wonderful that you have made a point to enjoy the journey. I’m raising two young daughters with outstanding athletic ability and I hope that I can instill the same appreciation for what the journey adds to their life and to be proud of giving their best effort, regardless of the outcome. Good luck! I KNOW you will have an amazing future.

Wayne said...

What a COMPETITOR you are! And honestly, that's the greatest compliment you can pay an athlete! I know the pain is very deep but I think you find that it will NEVER be as deep as the REGRETS of those who never went after their dreams!

Anonymous said...

AN amazing piece of writing. An amazing competition, an amazing jump and series after the season you have had....you did it. That was success. I really feel like the message of this blog about being responsible for the work and not its fruits is so inspirational. You are inspirational. I wish you every success in the future, you have a lot to give beyond track. It's so apparent.

Thank you for your story, and if it feels right, I'd like to read the next chapter too.

Finally, congratulations on such an incredible jump yesterday because let's not forget, you jumped 6m 85 which would have won the world championships last year, the European title last week and made every other countries Olympic team....bar...the USA. I hope you're non track fan readers are aware of just how well you jumped.

Anonymous said...

Thank you all for the incredible comments and for your support. I'm the mother of this amazing woman and I'm so proud of her right now I can't even put it into words just how much. I'm traveling home and didn't know she had written this and I'm in awe.

Anonymous said...

You did great! Nothing like competing at or close to your personal best in major competition. You left it all in the pit, but happened to fall short of your goal this time. The passion, disappointment, and pride you felt is portrayed so well in this story that I feel it across the country. Sounds like you will have a story to share with many other to inspire them to do their best no matter the outcome.

I will check your blog regurarly to see when you come back to the Los Angeles area so I can try to take you to Maestros or Crustacians. That's the best I can do as a fan :). Good luck in all you do and I'm looking forward to our dinner!

Carolyn J. said...

Hi Bri. My first time on this blog, saw a link from Debbie on FB...I made sure to tune in and watch for you at the trials...You were awesome and everyone who knows you I believe, is so proud of your journey...Thanks for sharing such a candid perspective of your experience.

Dust's Dad said...

Me and the Mrs Dust are very proud of you Brianna!

My son is missing. We think he ran away with Gypsies.

God Bless

Anonymous said...

Just another lurker inspired to comment. I am impressed with everything you have accomplished and most importantly, by the consistent and persistent hard work that you have put in for so many years. Going through some dark times myself, your story and your work ethic has been inspiring and I hope to persevere as you have and will continue to do.

Anonymous said...

Imma rip this band-aid off...

This winter, if you were told, after all the frustrations you've had in big meets in recent years, that you'd hit your biggest jumps in your biggest meet at a time when your competition was historically at its deepest, would you have taken it?

I think you have to take it and be OK with it. The competitor in you always wants more...that's the way of things with competitors. But you haven't always been able to be at your best when you needed to be, and in THIS meet you were great. It wasn't just one jump. You had a couple. You RESPONDED. You weren't showing that body language that says the things you've admitted to on this blog: "Do I belong here?"

This sport leaves you vulnerable. There's no team to hide behind, no facemask or helmet, no coaches' strategic decision. Just you and a little spandex.

And you performed wonderfully.

Always remember that. Be pissed that you didn't do even better, but know you didn't blink.

Now go get you some diamond league.

Lefteris Papanikolaou said...

Sometimes makes you wonder how unfair it is not to let the best go to the Olympic Games due to the 3 per country per event restrictions. Can't help it but feel sad for Ms Glenn (from UofA). She gave all she had, she is one of the best in the world in her event and yet she was not able to be at the top 3 American spots.

Things Could be Worser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janell said...

Bri,

I just want to thank YOU for showing everyone the meaning of the true American spirit. You are the epitome of what ALL athletes should aspire to be, with your grace, dignity, and all around sportsmanship. I am still so proud of you, and I know you gave it your all. You always seem to take the high road and you keep it 100% with us, your loyal crew, and we appreciate you for that. If you ever come back to OTC in Chulajuana, lunch is on me!!! :)

--Janell

Anonymous said...

I am very proud to have worked with you, 200 lb. power clean weighing 124 lbs. is as good as it gets.You have entertained us with your performances and blogs.Having been part of many Olympic medals I can honestly say they had nothing on you. God bless you and your loved ones Coach Art

Anonymous said...

Came over from J* and wanted you to know you are such an inspiration. Your words are so eloquent in heartache. I love watching sports and the Olympics are my favorite. I cry both tears of joy and sadness when I watch. But I always am inspired by all of the althetes and wish I had some of that drive in me. Thank you for giving it your all and representing the USA. It sucks that inches can make or break a dream but you should be very proud of yourself.

Anonymous said...

I am so proud of you my friend for your endless dedication and personal walk with our Lord. You are all I pray my little girls will be. I love you. Stacey R

Dina said...

I love this: And that hope fueled a dream, created my desire, transformed it into will, and produced a drive in me that made me who I am today.

No matter the vocation or calling, this sentence defines the hope we each need to find as we travel our own roads to those destinies God has planned for us.

I'm excited to see where He leads you next!

Bubba Gump Jumping Academy said...

Well, well, well, Sandjumper! Here we are.....

The dream, the goal, the end all be all of your entire existence on Earth for the last, 10, 12, 15, most of your lifetime years, just went down the toilet!

How do you feel?

Well, let me tell you how you should feel!

You should be the happiest person on the face of the Earth!

You accomplished your goal of pushing your body to "measure up", to "come through and grow some major gonads when needed", to erase the 3 fouls 8 years ago, to erase every negative nay sayer's criticism ever said to you.

For whatever reason, God doesn't want you in this Olympics. We have a cruel God, what can I say!

At this moment we will never know why God chose 3 other girls to jump further than they ever had in the past. At this time we don't know why this Olympic trials was unlike any other!

I looked back at the last 3 Olympic Trials and you would have made each team. EVERY ONE OF THEM!! It makes no sense and there is no reason to beat yourself up over it.

My point is, "Sport", isn't always about what we think our personal goal is.

You are a professional athlete!

You go from city to city around the world and entertain the crowd who comes to see you perform. This is not about you and don't think it ever was or will be. Think about how many little kids you have and will continue to inspire. Think about all the people you have touched through your career and put a smile on their face with your lame ass gold shorts and calf high socks.

On one of your friends blogs, they led a reader to believe this is the "end". While I'm sure in your pain this might have come out of your mouth but this is NOT what your purpose chosen by God is to be!

You need to get off your ass and get over to Europe and jump the summer out. You need to get off your ass and train hard for next season. You just jumped further than you EVER have in a major competition and if you F'ing quit now, you are a moron!

Why quit in your prime? Don't! F the Olympics. You now need to go out and be an amazing Ambassador for the sport. You need to win, and win, with your new found gonads and love every moment of it for as many years to come as you can!

Don't lose sight of what God might really want you to do and be which is yet to come!

Besides, which would you rather do? Travel the world and jump 6.87 (or whatever it was) winning meets left and right taking victory laps, signing autographs as the meet CHAMPION, or give it all up, when you don't have too and CURRENTLY in your prime!!

BGJA xoxo! :)

Brianna said...

thank you everyone. seriously, from the bottom of my heart thank you for these comments. i have never appreciated comments on a blog more than i have appreciated these.

xo- bri

Allen W said...

You may or may not see this posting as I have made it a point to wait a few days after I saw the results from Sunday. I have to agree with the above postings and we all agree that you have been on an incredible journey. Not the destination that you wanted, however, there are other places to land. I am among a number of people who you have never met that was pulling for you.

You jumped your ass off but so did a lot of others. Top class performances at its best. It has been a pleasure to keep up with you and I will continue to do so.

You gave it your all and that is all one can ask. Good Luck and Best Wishes with everything else.

Nicholas said...

Bri, never sell yourself short for having worn the uniform of your country in the *World* Championships in 2009. In my eyes, that's a bigger deal than the championships of a small village in Greece that almost no one could find on a map.
You have done all of us in La Mirada proud!

MayraFiori.blogspot.com said...

So glad you know that God's purpose and desire for our life is much greater than our very own. He has greater plans for YOU! And He has NO limits. Prepare yourself because He has chosen you to be called His child and His children are not put to shame. Head held High...God will take care of the rest.

oxox

much love,

Mayra Fiori

Anonymous said...

where you JUMPING next Bri??

We looking for your schedule??

Susan Sullivan said...

Brianna -

You may not be an Olympian (yet) but you are every bit the Champion. Thank you for sharing your story. I am so inspired.

Susan Sullivan

Bubba Gump Jumping Acedemy said...

Hello Sandjumper!

How are all those Twinkies and Ding Dongs tasting that you hoarded under your bed the last 7 months?

The time has come once again to strap on your jock and get back to being the person you are and what makes you happy.

Are you a Quittterrrrr?

World Champs is only a few months down the road. So, get off your fat ass, dust off your spikes and start the process. Painful as the process is, it is sure as hell way better than anything else in life. Especially yours!

Come on now. Time to smarten up. Time to not let your past define you.

See you in the pit.

Hugs and Kisses
xoxo
BGJA

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Bubba Gump Jumping Academy said...

Hello Fat Ass,

Yes, that is what I'm sure you have become in your year off of feeling sorry for yourself.

Are you ready to get back in the pit and travel the world?

Have you learned your lesson that what you thought you were tired of, in-fact was the most amazing time of your life and to dismiss it was and is just foolish?

You are a competitor, aren't you?

You do take pride in being smart don't you?

Well Fat Ass, time to make a decision!! It will take you longer this time to get back in shape so you need to start now for next years season.

If you decide to stay on the sidelines, no-one will fault you. You accomplished amazing things in your very long career.

But I bet you still have that fire in your legs and heart to get the job done on a world stage.

I bet you still have the mental toughness to reach 7+.

I bet you have had time to heal your tired legs, body, and soul.

I bet you are ready to get back to what you were, what you truly are, what you can be.

I bet you, Fat Ass, that it's time to get back to work!

If you fail, who cares, but you won't.

Time to get back to work Champ!

BGJA

Bubba Gump Jumping Academy said...

Hey Thunder Thighs,

How's that body shaping out with all the donuts you are eating, no doubt!

The time is now to get back to work!

Have you had enough time to dwell in your sorrow for not making the Olympic Team?

If you are going to be ready for this years upcoming season you need to get going now! Might I suggest you engage a new agent as your prior one sucks canal water and didn't represent you well at ALL! In fact, he/she was probably counter productive to your mental winningness! Yes, that is a new word!

So what do you say? Want to travel the world, and perform in front of thousands of fans who wish they could be you, dream of being you? I bet you will do it completely different this time around after having time to reflect!!!

Or do you wish to dream about getting up each morning for whatever crappy job you have now and fake a smile for each day?

It's time Sandjumper! Your ankles have had time to heal. Your mind and soul have had time to heal. It's time Sandjumper! It's time to dust off the spikes, and redefine who you are. No more high socks. No more gold shorts. It's time to get your mind right. It's time for Rocky to go to Russia and get his mind right. No Olympic Training center, no faking anymore about your abilities. You are a champion and should never doubt it for one second! It's time Sandjumper to start understanding your body, your sport, the technique and being the grasshopper of the sport. You can win and win and win if you take things back to square one! You need to go within, work out alone, you don't need anyone, commit yourself knowing that you have maybe one season, possibly two in you, and that would be just great and fine with you. You don't have to be the Great Pumpkin, you don't have to be the Whole Shamolie, the Big Cheese, the girl that everyone votes Miss Popular. What you need to do, is be low key, quiet like, stalking wild animal like and jump your ass off and win each event you go to.

At this point in your career it isn't about the fame. It isn't about the glory. It isn't about anything other than YOU AND THE SAND!

Do you get it! Just you and the sand. F all the people. F all the stuff that clutters up a jumpers mind and body. F everything but you and your training.

Meets are won in practice. Not at the meet! I've said it a hundred million times and maybe you will listen to me this time!

Knock off the crap you have grown to crave, the latte's, the men, the shoes that are bad for your feet.

Are you ready? Are you ready to get back to work? Are you ready to take back what is rightfully yours...Win Win Win Win after WIN!

Much love,
BGJA